When the color blue feels more comfortable than others

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 Hi.. It's been two years. Hey.. btw for babies 97 out there, your 29 era is coming this year.. congrats for it.. 

I dunno what to response to this age. The more I think about it, the more I far away from getting mature. I am. In any aspect: finance, love, education, lifestyle- eating and myself. LOL. That's hilarious. When I didnt who when to say what I want, when I ask others thoughts about what I need to take, or when I discuss about insight.. but not in the right person, d*mn.. I didnt know at the same time I just put my left feet into a deep depression. This month, I was doubt myself, well even until today. Why I take this path two years ago, if in the end I dont have friends at all. Why I so wrong calculate myself and didnt do SWOT to me about to take that decision, if now I fall for depression and bad person. I know, if my old me see me right now, I gonna angry at me.. or disagree of everything that I did nowadays. I thought, become a yes person or smile to every time people ask for help to me.. I become growing and know everything. But the wrong yes for things that didn't close to your goals, its even make u fall deep for your depression. 

From books, workout, sing songs, swimming, shopping, eating.. thats not work for make me geting out from my room. Texting others just tell what's happened to me.. well its work for today at least. But I dunno still what happen tomorrow. This body even change so far from goals. Gain weight with a new record LOL, headache all the time for two spot in my head, all the time every morning till night.. even I didnt do something, just try to figure it out what happen to me. Talked with counselor for sometimes, thats all didnt work at all. D*mn! Even I hate myself because of being so fragile like this. 

Even now, Im not showing up in any place, or friends party because of being selectively social rather than anti-social. Im not comfortable with all those who fake or did a pick me things. Thats ruin my energy so much. 2 days surrounded by that things, it made me stay at my room for 2 weeks. Duugghhh.. See how unmature I am today. If I force it, headache gonna happen all day even I dont do anything. Even I just seeing my ceiling.. its hurt so much. I don't care anything but how about person who love and care to me. I hurt them so much. I know that. But I dunno.. its new for me. I cant focus to do something right now. If I show up and smile.. thats I dunno.. a good thing? normal? I dont know at all.. where my late 29 gonna be. Because now, its already out of plan or what I imagine. 

But about blue. LOL.. I just realize tonight, when I drink water in my room. See my laptop. Even cloth that I use, its all blue. I getting comfortable with this color. Good bye my eye caching favorite colour orange :D 

I found calmness in blue... 

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